Chauncey Jerome O'Neil grew up in a small farming village in South Central Los Angeles. Shortly after birth, he was knighted in 14 countries, and immediately deemed 'The Songbird of his Generation'. At age seven he ran away from home and began the strenuous work of a coal miner/flutist/gigolo. At age nine he beat HIV in a game of checkers. Three months later he celebrated his first sober three-day span. By twelve, he had graduated with honors from Harvard Law, Yale Medical, and Princeton Business - becoming the first to do this without setting a foot on any of the campuses. On his fifteenth birthday, he renounced all forms of material wealth and lived in Siberia, Illinois - really a quite average town. It was there he spent several minutes writing his New York Times Best Seller 'The Da Vinci Code'. On his sixteenth birthday he received his license to kill. During the next few weeks he became the only man to climb Mount Everest while climbing K2. Shortly after he navigated the Antarctic and manned an exhibition through the Southern Congo, supplied with only three paper clips and a five iron. On a whim he applied for a position at the fast food restaurant McDonalds. He rose through the ranks from cashier to CEO in a matter of seconds. By eighteen, he had completed his third symphony, set a world-record in pole vault, and had been credited with adding 214 entries in the dictionary, including 'antibiogravitationally', 'omninasalrectification' and 'purple'. Later, he turned down a full ride to the University of Illinois- but went there any way. When he showed up for Illini Roller Hockey Tryouts, hundreds of thousands were in attendance, all witnesses to his amazing ability to tie his skates. He starts this season as the only registered genius in the league and one of only two convicted felons.